Women need each other! We crave it. Long for it. Pray for it. We watch other women friend groups wishing we were a part of it. Apart of something great. Something vulnerable. Something where the judgements are left at home. Something that screams, 'hey you, I think you're amazing and cool and someone I want to call my friend. Wanna hang out?!".
We long for the type of connection that wipes lunch crumbs off of your face, accepts you as you show up in your yoga pants that you wore yesterday, smile when they hug you and smell your week-old dirty hair and when they don't roll their eyes when last week's dishes are still in the sink. That's the type of friendship I long for. Anyone else?
It's not by accident that we feel this way, you know. That deep longing in your heart and pit in the core of your soul. That's there for a reason. It's because you, me, us...we were created for community. We were created to do this thing called life together. It's an innate desire that's been placed inside all of us.
So how do we gain this level of friendship? How do we meet our bestie? Where do we find our kindred-spirited group of friends that will dance with us in the rain while we hold our Temu Stanley cup dupes, that may or may not contain water, while wearing matching shirts as our bestie hubby's and bestie kids laugh and hang out.
Well friends, this may come as a shocker but.....I don't have the answer.
I know. I'm a downer.
But what I do know, and I know this from years and years of waiting experience, is that your kindred friend, or friend group, that you're longing to find...ya, she isn't going to one day knock on your door and say "hello, is it me you're looking for?"....Sorry Lionel, and by the way, thanks a lot for that false hope.
You see, if you're waiting to find her and she's waiting to find you then how the heck are you going to find each other? One of you HAS to make the first move...so why not let it be YOU? What have you got to lose? Your dignity? Well, that's a bit extreme but sure, why not? Just think of the laughs you'll have of all the dumb things you did to make friends when you finally find your bestie! #CanIjointhatgirl'snight?
The point is friends, sometimes in life you're going to have to be the one to make the first move. To introduce yourself to someone new, to send out that coffee invite or to ask to join in on the convo... messy bun, dirty clothes and hair and everything else that the real you offers!
There we will be rejections. There will be awkwardness. There will be times you text with no reply. Invites that were "lost in the mail", the no thank yous to lunch offers, weird looks and everything else in-between, and that's ok. You're not meant to sit at every table you sit down at. If that table doesn't fit, get up and sit down at another one, but never change who you are just to fit into who you think someone else wants you to be. Be you! Be real. Be authentic.
Authentic, deep and unconditional friendships begin when you are authentically you. That's the only way they can. Two unauthentic people will make up one unauthentic friendship, and that's the opposite of what we want in the first place.
So stand up straight, look yourself in the mirror and recognize the amazing woman looking back at you and take that first step! Someone out there is praying for you to find them. Trust. Me.
Be a friend to someone today,
ps. If you are looking for ideas or ways to meet new friends, or you're procrastinating, or both then I got you! Here's a few ideas to take that first step!
Attend one of our ELEVATE groups! The pressure is already off because everyone is there to meet you!
Invite a friend to coffee, or drinks after work or lunch on your lunchbreak. The nice thing about this it's a public place so if things go bad you can make a quick escape! :) Remember you're not meant to sit at every table you sit down at.
Send a virtual gift card for a coffee and include a text that says "I think you're amazing! Have an awesome day! Next time let's get coffee together!"
This one will make some of your cringe but invite them and their SO over for dinner! Oh yes I did just say that! Here's the key...don't go all crazy! If you don't cook a 5-course meal normally, then don't do that for the invite. The goal here is to be authentically you!
Send a DM to someone you admire and give them an "authentic" compliment! Then ask questions that will spark a conversation!
psss. If the first step is joining us at the next ELEVATE that you go girl!! We are excited to see you there! Friendships, hiking groups, lunch dates, dinner dates and even business meetings have already come from the first two meetings! Like they say in Celebrate Recovery...the system works if you work the system. Same thing applies here. :)
psss. I love meeting new friends! wink wink hint hint :)
You got this, friend.